Apologize No More

So, this is a first…  

When this site first started, I added stuff that I had written to add some content to a new site.  Since then, I have ALWAYS posted on someone else’s blog; then through the magic of the wordpressing I would load the page within the pages on my site…  Like a dream within a dream, Blogception.

Over the course of the next few months, I will slowly start posting on my site.  Beginning 27 Sept. 2012, I will re-vamp the website and all future posts will be posted like this one– on my own website.



It’s been awhile, yet there are still some things that I haven’t been able to shake.  Idiosyncrasies, the peculiar vernacular, and a few other things permeate through like the smell of mothballs on your winter wardrobe.  I started this as a Facebook post; as I was typing it, it grew to the point that I needed a bigger viewing medium.  I hope it is well received, and maybe a handful can relate.  What I am getting at is that I served.  Not only that, but I served around some of the most motivated, harder-than-woodpecker-lips Devil Dogs in the modern Corps (Ken, Levi, Brandy, Magnolia, Mark, El Gavito, and Kirk)  This made for an exceptionally moto Airman.  I am proud of my service to this country and no one can take that away.

Moto Marine

Sgt Smith

From now on I will no longer apologize for the way I am; consider this your guide to me.

Here is a list of said things that still linger:

I still use a 24 hour clock. Deal with it by subtracting 12; there is a calculator on your phone.  Even you still have the near-indestructible, facing extinction, antiqued phones.

In text I use phonetics.  I don’t use the “laugh out loud” abbreviation (or anything of the sort, mainly because I am not a pre-teen girl) unless I am drawing a shark attack.  ___/_____lol_____ <—Like that.  Whiskey = Welcome. Tango = Thanks.  Mike = Minutes etc…  This is how you figure out what I mean.

It IS an LES.  My paycheck is a statement of earnings and accrued leave, therefore the acronym fits.  Nanny-nanny boo-boo.

On that note; I still go on “leave”.  It means I am on vacation.

If you display our Flag improperly, I will say something about it.  This is not hard to get right, so excuse me if it seems like I am talking down to you.  It is because I am giving you the benefit of the doubt that you are actually mentally handicapped instead of a worthless waste of carbon, sucking up all my good oxygen.

When I say I am shaggy, don’t tell me I have “no hair to cut”.  If I can grab the sides, I need it cut.  Otherwise the terrorists win.  I am not asking you to follow my example but get a freaking haircut, Hippy.

Yes, I still “watch my six”.  If I suddenly change direction; it is because there is another car in my rearview making an inappropriate amount of similar turns.  I need to determine the threat level.  It is not a figment of my imagination.  Just relax… I have GPS, I will get back on the route…  There is no need to correct me.  This also means my back is to the wall and my face is to the door.  I can get twitchy if that isn’t the case.

I don’t talk trash on the Commander in Chief.  I argue points that I disagree with, support ideals I agree with, and accept that I am not privy to half the intel the President is; in turn I vote– privately.

Domestic Violence, Dead Babies, and Helen Keller — not laughing matters.  Jokes about them however, are hilarious.  You have to laugh in the face of life people.

Six months to a year is not a long time, anything past two years is forever.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Over.

I cuss and smoke.  I don’t do either where they aren’t allowed.

I stand and face the Flag during the National Anthem, I take my hat off, and I put my hand over my heart.  It is a custom of respect I show my Nation.

If there are any Military personnel in a movie/tv show/musical and the directors/writers/costume dept/producers/actors/advisors screw something up, understand I will catch it and complain. Play ‘Tears of the Sun’ and watch me flip like a cat on a laser. It is as hard to suppress as an appetite.

‘Pop smoke’ is a verb.  It is synonymous with ‘leaving in a rush’.

If there is a sign, I follow it.  Do Not Walk On The Grass, Please Wait Here For The Next Available Teller, Do Not Feed The Alligators, etc…  You can make fun of me, but I don’t care.  Have some common freaking courtesy.

I will talk crap about the other 3 branches.  I will be very unpleasant if you do it.  I don’t care how funny the joke your girlfriend’s cousin told you was; unless you served you don’t rate repeating it to me.  Unless it is about the Coast Guard.  Then I might chuckle, depending on my mood; but probably not.

No I did not fly a plane.

The Skippy List is comedic genius.

I try not to yell.  I usually do pretty well at holding back.  Sometimes though I am properly *ahem* inspired and let loose a string of expletives, gynecological references, and appalling hyphenations that shouldn’t be spoken in public. If you are the person receiving it, it is what you get for setting me off.  If you are with me and someone else is receiving it, don’t try and stop it.  I will feel much better if I get that poison out and then we can get back to life.

No; as long as I can still get them, I will not stop wearing my M-Frames© w/ Strike© lenses.

A good Airman always carries a pen.  To work anyway.

I don’t clean often, but when I do; it’s a GI Party.  I was going to link it but apparently the meaning has been lost in the internet.  GI means general inspection; essentially a top-down thorough cleaning of whatever space needs it.

Going to the range is a perfectly acceptable first date, or any other numbered date, or an anniversary, or celebration, or whatever. Sending copper jackets rocketing towards enough paper enemies to decimate a section of rainforest might seem like an excessively violent way to spend time, but it is soooooooo gratifying.

Look people, it is just the way my face looks.  You can be cross-eyed giddy in public if you want, but excuse me if I maintain some bearing at work.  Somebody gave me a job to do, and I do it. It’s called a game-face, quit telling me to relax or to “just smile already”.  I wasn’t in a bad mood until your sunshine-and-lollipop carcass started giving me crap about my demeanor.

I ‘secure’ things.  If it is a door, I secure it.  If it is an unsecure candy bar, I eat it.

I have a tendency to walk two paces left and one pace behind anyone that outranks me and I am in step.

Lastly, left over right… To this very day.

  12 comments for “Apologize No More

  1. June 13, 2012 at 20:30

    Hell freakin’ yeah. You tell ’em buddy.

  2. June 13, 2012 at 20:53

    I passed the human qualification test…good things ahead!

    enjoyed this post a ton…just keep doing your thing and staying true to who you are.


  3. June 13, 2012 at 21:32

    Welcome home, son.

  4. Josh
    June 13, 2012 at 21:39

    I’m picking up what you’re laying down. Keep it up!

  5. Jen
    June 13, 2012 at 22:20

    OWN IT Brotha’ — Love the post, as always! Keep cranking them out. 🙂

  6. June 14, 2012 at 08:05

    “Going to the range is a perfectly acceptable first date, or any other numbered date, or an anniversary, or celebration, or whatever. Sending copper jackets rocketing towards enough paper enemies to decimate a section of rainforest might seem like an excessively violent way to spend time, but it is soooooooo gratifying.”

    I TOTALLY AGREE!!! I LOVED this post!!!

    BTW – Thanks for the shoutout!!! You were DEFINATELY the most squared away Airman I’ve EVER known!!!

  7. Mark
    June 14, 2012 at 08:59

    Finally, somebody gets it. I’ve never been more proud.

  8. June 14, 2012 at 13:03

    Awesome. The “Care and Feeding of Brandon.” Good to know …

  9. Theresa
    June 14, 2012 at 14:23

    Love the post, your point of view is what makes it a pleasure to be around you. Honest and right to the point!

  10. OneBugIsFake
    June 14, 2012 at 19:01

    Austin: Thanks Amigo, I smell a coast trip in the air.
    Sanders: Thanks for helping me find a more user-friendly spam filter. Thanks for reading.
    Mike: Thank you.
    Josh: Grateful, I’ll try.
    Mrs. Hansen: As always, thank you!
    Brandy: Ha! I am glad you liked it. Thanks for 11 years of friendship too.
    MSgt Hardin: Glad you enjoyed it!
    Chris: I will send you a more detailed care guide if I ever make it to Idaho.
    Theresa: Thanks! Thanks for reading!

  11. Pam
    June 14, 2012 at 21:51

    Love the post. Always looking for more.

  12. Mom2OBIF
    June 16, 2012 at 15:13

    I’m proud…Most proud…As always.

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